Sanctified Matrimony

Nothing should despoil the sanctity of marriage, which should be defined as solely between a man and a woman; the Senator would propose legislation defining it as such. However, to resolve this divisive issue and to proactively consider constitutional challenges to this law, the Senator’s legislation would include two new types of civil unions: Instead of marrying, lesbians would be allowed to “larry” and gay men would be allowed to “garry.” These three types of unions—marriage, larriage, and garriage—would be separate but equal under the law, and the sanctity of marriage would be preserved.